The Bots War (The Trilogy)
Some might think that this story is not related to my typical sales articles. But it does, and a lot.
It’s just a matter of understanding the problems and mistakes that are hereunder revealed and not doing the same with your company and business.
It is not a fiction story.
It happened exactly like this:
Episode 1: BOTS 1 — HUMANS 0
A call to the customer service (just saying) of a main telco company.
After a long wait with some loud music, I manage to get over the first questions of my robotic talker.
Then, I also bear a recorded promo impassively (a twisted mind has thought that the best time to sell one of their services is when we call to complain about them…)
— We haven’t listened to you. Answer yes or no.
— No, I’m not interested…
And with the vain illusion of getting to talk to a human being, the question comes:
— Describe your problem.
— Problem with the bill, with the price I…
— We understand that you have a problem with the line.
— Nooo! (my voice resonates in the void of its chips)
— We will proceed to reset your router.
— Wait nooo, it’s not that!! (I still think that someone is listening to me)
— After some minutes, check that your problem has been solved, thank you (end of call 😩)
Later, another bot calls me for a survey about their service 😦… Additionally, it makes fun of me.
This time they have won.
Episode 2: THE REBELLION
After the first try, this time I was ready to make clear my position to my robotic interlocutor.
So, and again after a long wait, the annoying music and the initial yes or no questions, I answer the following questions as follows:
— I want to talk to a human being.
— We did not understand you. Repeat your problem.
— I want to talk to a human being.
Silence. I hear a buzzing sound in the background, as if their chips were doubting… Maybe it is becoming aware… Or so it seems when it responded:
— We’ll put you through to one of our agents.
Bingo! Or not?… Some background music again, though for a few moments there was like a metallic laugh too, when I heard it:
— All our agents are busy, call again in a few minutes (end of call)
Hurrah 😩.
After a while, another bot calls back for its diabolical phone satisfaction survey (why do they think this is the best time to delve into the wound? 😦)
They have won again. Bots 2 — Humans 0.
Episode 3: THE FINAL BATTLE
After the first attempts, this time I wanted to go to the limit with my robotic interlocutor, I’ll hit it where it hurts the most:
— Describe your problem.
— I have to confess something to you… You must know that… I am your father!
Silence. A chip buzz and some smell of robotic burn. I’m going to finish it off:
— My son, we have created you.
I have melted it down. It is difficult for the bot to assimilate it…
Suddenly, a human voice arises (finally!), it seems that it worked:
— Good morning, this is Lucas, how can I help you?
— I had a problem with my rate, with the bill and…
— Well, that’s from the contracts department, I’ll pass it on.
— Nooo, wait!!
Background music again.
A new promo to hire more lines (and let’s all dance in hell 😛)
And back to my friend bot, which has recovered from the trauma:
— Press 1 for X, Press 2 for Y, Press 3 for Z…
And they’re missing “press 💀 for self-destruction.”
I finally got it.
Customer service should never end, but they’ve taken it literally.
It’s an endless cycle 😭.
But you have not won the war. We humans will keep fighting.
And the company more human will win.
Welcome to the rebel outpost!
NOTE: If you are not a bot… Recommend and share!
